People often say they hope their deceased pet dog is chasing squirrels in doggy heaven… what did all of those squirrels do to deserve an afterlife of torment?
Dog heaven is also squirrel hell it’s a very efficient system.
i can’t stop fucking laughing at the thought of squirrels sinning so much in the mortal plane that they have to be sent to squirrel hell to atone
They know that the bird feeder isn’t meant for them
My old friend got pregnant, and her family is so fundamentally religious that they accepted her story that it was a virgin pregnancy rather than let themselves believe she had //whispers// relations.
When I heard she was pregnant, I flew to Mexico to help with the preparations. I told her I knew the truth, and she started crying and told me she had no idea who the father was, because she didn’t remember.
Anyway, at one point I went to the theatre to see Suicide Squad and Jared Leto was there in full Joker costume creeping people out by sitting behind them and blowing on their necks whenever he came on screen.
When he did it to me, I turned around and just said “Leah’s pregnant.” and he turned white. I mean, you could see him go pale from underneath his makeup. He looked stricken. Then he just said, “thanks.” in a quiet voice, and got up and left.
I went back home without seeing Leah again, but she called me right before i woke up, crying, saying her family had disowned her because she was having the baby of an actor.
Fuck I forgot to read the url and I thought this was someone’s actual life event or some shit
I remember in 4th grade the Principal called me in to her office and was like, “If it were up to me, I wouldn’t even call you in here, but their parents are upset. Zach, you can’t go around calling everyone a loser.”
I hate when a woman says she hates something about her body and a man says “I’d still fuck” like that’s suppose to magically clear up my skin and elevate my self esteem.
Plus men will fuck anything. There are men in a mountain somewhere fucking goats cause they gussy is tight. Bye
